


For His Hat

by arrafrost



Category: The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-22
Updated: 2012-10-22
Packaged: 2017-11-16 19:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/543036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrafrost/pseuds/arrafrost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“No... If I... if I finish this. If I can crack this then he'll be back. He'll come back like it never happened because this is my job, Clay. This was my part and I have to play it because everything is riding on this and I can do this."</p>
            </blockquote>





	For His Hat

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr prompt for ionlyshiphere, wanting Cougar/Jensen that would hurt.

Jensen's fingers moved furiously over the keyboard, typing in codes that barely made sense to him but he was going to finish this. He was going to get through this. He could do his job and he could do it better than any other bullshit graduate that ever tried to come into his world because Jensen was a survivor. He was strong. Jensen was a professional and he could bulldoze his way through this mission because that was his job and his teammates were relying on him. It was his responsibility to do this and he would get it done, correctly, efficiently, and perfectly.

“Jensen.”

He barely blinked at the code flying down the screen as his fingers moved without conscious awareness. He had to finish this. He had to crack this code and he had to make everything better. He was going to fix everything that had ever gone wrong. He was going to-

“ _Jensen.”_ The voice struck him hard as it was combined with a firm grip on his shoulder that dragged him back away from his hunched position above the computer.

He blinked, barely able to take his eyes off the screen and his fingers didn't stop moving over the keyboard.

“Jensen, you have to stop.” Clay's fingers dug into his shoulder, the pain making Jensen flinch but it barely affected the speed of his typing. This was his mission. This was the thing that was going to put everything right again. If only he could crack it then he would be able to-

“He's not coming back, Jensen.” A tremor ran through his hands, momentarily pausing him before he continued to press the keys quickly and smoothly. “I know,” Clay continued slowly, “that you think if you break the code that it will bring him back. But this wasn't your fault. Even if you had been able to hack into the system on time it wouldn't have changed anything. He still would have-”

“You're wrong.” Jensen's voice was barely a whisper, hoarse from the lack of use and he was probably dehydrated as well. “I need to do this... I can save him. If I can just-”

“He's gone.” Clay's voice was gentle but strict. Each word annunciated perfectly to drive through Jensen's thick skull. “I'm sorry, Jake.”

Jensen's fingers paused at his name, he never heard his first name anymore... not often... not since... His fingers danced about the keyboard again, code that didn't even make sense in this context hitting the screen but it was okay because maybe that would work. Maybe it was structured to be nonsensical.

“Cougar's dead.”

Jensen's hands shook hard above the keyboard, hitting wrong keys as they trembled so hard he had to move them away if he was ever going to recover the codes. Placed them on his knees, gripping them tightly as the shaking traveled up his arms. “No... If I... if I finish this. If I can crack this then he'll be back. He'll come back like it never happened because this is my  _job,_ Clay.  _This_ was my part and I have to play it because everything is riding on this and I can do this. I will do this and everything... everything will go back to the way it was and...”

“No, Jensen. No it won't. He's gone. You need to accept it.”

“No! He's not. He's-” Jensen choked out a laugh, unaware of the tears forming in his eyes. “I'm gonna finish this and he's going to walk in that door with that stupid grin of his. Look at me from under his hat... that hat... and he's gonna put it on my head and not say anything but I'll know that he's thankful. I know he's proud that I was able to do it because he gave me his hat.” Jensen's shoulders shook under Clay's grip, unable to control himself. “And he never gives people his hat. Never takes it off. Only when I've done a good job do I get to wear that hat... that fucking hat... that... I love that hat. I fucking  _love_ that hat and I... I never told him. Clay... fuck. I never told him that.”

Clay pulled him out of the chair and into a tight embrace. Jensen's entire body was shaking from the tears flowing freely down his cheeks. “Never told him Clay... I never... He had a right to know that I loved... that  _fucking_ hat... and... I wish... why didn't I? Cougar... should have known... I... I should have told him...”


End file.
